Failure
How to Actually Grow From Failure
Fail fast. Fail forward. Fail better. As a society, we’ve turned failure into a slogan to celebrate, but somehow we’re more afraid of it than ever.
So what’s going on? Most of us say failure is our best teacher, but I doubt many of you have ever walked away from a failure doing a happy dance. Instead, you probably let the moment rattle around in your head at some ungodly hour, then played it a little safer the next time. Don’t worry, you’re not the only one.
Today, Drew and I break down why every piece of advice you’ve ever received about failure has, well… failed you.
We cover why indulging in “failure porn” is such a harmful move and what it actually takes to learn from our mistakes (it’s not what you think). We explain the evolutionary reason a rejected email can feel threatening. We tell the story of how a country’s inability to admit failure got thousands killed, and of a monk so tormented by his failures that he confessed them for six hours a day. We dive into the three different kinds of failure and why the setback itself matters less than the actions you take after. And we even discuss when quitting is and isn’t a failure, and the five-question test that reveals the difference.
Apologies in advance: this episode will not teach you how to avoid failure. On a long enough timeline, the failure rate of everything is 100%. So let’s get really great at failing.
- 0:00 Introduction
- 1:15 Chapter 1: he Most Overdone Topic in Self-Help
- 7:43 FailCon
- 12:43 Failure P*rn
- 23:05 The Receipts: Three Decades of Data
- 26:36 The Perfectionism Epidemic
- 35:53 What are Mark and Drew’s relationships with failure?
- 44:47 Chapter 2: Why Failure Hurts So Much More Than It Should
- 52:22 The Asymmestry is Older Than You
- 58:57 The Most Expensive Demostration in Sports
- 1:14:34 The Standard You Carry With You
- 1:22:50 Personal Failure
- 1:31:57 Chapter 3: When You Define Yourself, You Define Your Failures
- 1:32:06 Siddhartha Gautama
- 1:36:54 What Failure Actually Is
- 1:54:08 Failed Identities: The psychology of self-definition as self-sabotage
- 2:00:53 Christianity as Atonement Technology
- 2:05:56 Confession as Failure-Processing Technology
- 2:10:01 The psychology of structured confession
- 2:23:35 Chapter 4: How to Pursue Better Failures
- 2:23:39 Andre Agassi Hates Tennis
- 2:30:17 The Two Ways to Define a Goal
- 2:42:12 Shame Vs Guilt
- 2:46:17 Achievement from Guilt and Shame
- 3:04:21 Chapter 5: The Three Kinds of Failure, and How You Actually Grow From Them
- 3:04:30 Amy Edmondson
- 3:07:32 The Three Kinds of Failure
- 3:14:11 Does Failure Actually Make You Stronger?
- 3:21:39 Rigging the Game
- 3:24:38 The Dial Underneath All of It
- 3:26:32 When Quitting Is and Isn't a Failure
- 3:30:21 The Five questions
- 3:33:40 The Sixth question
- 3:38:40 Conclusion/Takeaways
Download your free guide on Failure
Avid reader? Well, you’re in luck. I made you a handy digital reference guide with the sharp recaps you need—because let’s be real, you’ll forget half of this by tomorrow. It’s free. Just join the podcast mailing list, and I’ll send it over.
No spam, no fluff. Just the good stuff. Privacy Policy
References
- 80,000 Hours: Get your free copy of their career guide and start planning a career that is meaningful.
- Momentous: Use code SOLVED for up to 35% off your entire first order.
- Shopify: The best businesses aren’t built in boardrooms. They’re built by people who just started. Free trial.
- AG1: Get a FREE Immune Support Bundle, including Omega-3 Fish Oil and Vitamin D3+K2, with your first subscription of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro.
- Macrofactor: Start your 14-day free trial. Use code MARK.
- Cozy Earth: Use my code SOLVED for an exclusive 20% off home and sleepwear!
- Notion: Learn more about how Notion can support your business.
- Quo: Try QUO for free PLUS get 20% off your first 6 months.
- Purpose: Start getting unstuck today.
- Waking Up: Get started with a 14 day trial, no risk.
- Daniel Kahneman
- Amos Tversky
- Hebrew University of Jerusalem
- Yom Kippur War (1973)
- Loss aversion
- Prospect theory
- Endowment effect
- Brosnan et al. (2007). Endowment Effects in Chimpanzees. Current Biology
- Evolutionary mismatch
- Tiger Woods
- Sociometer theory
- Sigmund Freud
- Defence mechanisms (Freud)
- Open: An Autobiography by Andre Agassi (2009)
- The Score Takes Care of Itself by Bill Walsh
- The Innovator's Dilemma by Clayton Christensen
- Negative visualization (Stoic premeditatio malorum)
- Roy Baumeister
- Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
- Original sin
- Dukkha ('life is suffering')